Making mistakes is usually a painful experience. No one likes to fail. It is a horrible feeling to know that you messed up, especially when it impacts someone you love. Being a parent is definitely a learning process, and inevitably involves making mistakes. We can minimize those mistakes by learning from the example of others, sometimes looking at others to know what not to do. We can learn from study—reading books, going to classes, and nowadays there seems to be no end to advice and ideas on blogs. There are many fabulous ideas out there, and much we can learn to help us out. When it comes right down to it though, there is no child just like yours with parents just like you. Even with the most diligent study and thought, we are sometimes left to wonder what we should do.
The great thing is that we are not left alone in our parenting. God can be with us every step of the way. Gene R. Cook wrote, “if we learn to have the Spirit of the Lord with us…we will receive ample instruction from the Lord because, after all, our children were his children first. He desires even more than we do to see his children saved. Thus, he wants to be a full partner in your marriage, [and] in your family…I repeat, he wants to give daily instruction in how to better direct our families in an inspired way.” I have learned that the very best source of parenting advice is from Him who knows us best, our Heavenly Father.
Here is an experience we had in our family about following the promptings of the spirit:
One Sunday morning Larry was in meetings in an upstairs room. Having afternoon church, we had a few hours before church started. The kids were upstairs playing, and I was downstairs working on the computer to get some things ready for an upcoming youth conference I was in charge of. I was on a roll, and really getting some great work done when the bickering started. I hoped that if I ignored it, they would work things out and I wouldn’t have to intervene. As the minutes passed, the noise and yelling increased. I knew I would need to stop what I was working on, to become the referee and keep things reasonably quiet upstairs. I was more than a little irritated with that thought. I had important things to do, so why did this have to happen now?! As I was walking up the stairs, I felt this wave of anger go through me, and I was super irritated that they had the audacity to fight while I was busy! About that same time, I felt a quiet prompting from the Holy Ghost telling me to control my temper. I opened the bedroom doors and told everyone to meet in my room. I had no idea what I was going to do or say. I had the thought to kneel in prayer, so we did. When we pray as a family, we usually kneel in a circle. Well, the kids each kneeled about as far away from the circle as they could and folded their arms with exaggerated body language to let me know they did not like this idea! I told them we were going to each take a turn praying. I said the first prayer, then my youngest said a prayer, I could tell she wasn’t too involved in the disagreement. Neither of the other two wanted to pray, so we waited. Finally one caved and said she would pray. As she began to pray, something amazing happened. Her heart that was so angry and hard melted almost instantly. As she prayed she began to sob. Her brother then said a prayer. He too was no longer mad and had a softened heart. Afterwards we hugged each other and then talked about having the spirit in our home. I never heard what the disagreement that seemed so big was; it really didn’t matter after that. The interesting thing was that after that experience we felt a greater love for each other. We all felt closer to each other because the spirit of the Lord was involved very literally in our family at that moment. Oh how grateful I am that I was interrupted in what I thought was such important work! I learned a lesson that would have a great impact in our family. I was so grateful that as I came up those stairs that I chose to follow the still small voice rather than the screaming wave of anger I was feeling.
A year or so ago I was at Stake Conference and heard of an experience one of the speakers had that showed perfectly the power of the Holy Ghost in parenting. It was Sister Callister, Elder Tad R. Callister’s wife who was speaking. I have a bad memory and didn’t take notes, so this is what I remember: She talked about a struggle she had with a teenage son. He wasn’t doing anything wrong, but their relationship wasn’t like it used to be. When she would ask him about his day, he would give short non-descript answers. She was sad that they didn’t talk much anymore. As she pondered and prayed about what she could do to improve their relationship, she had an idea come to her mind as she was walking past his bedroom. She saw a sports magazine on his bed and thought she should read it. As a busy wife, mother and church member, she really didn’t have any desire to read about sports, but again, she felt the prompting to read it, so she did. As she began to learn about sports, one of his interests, they began talking. It started out with sports, and then moved to all areas of their lives. Their relationship was strengthened. That thought was not her own. It was the spirit telling her what she could do to improve their relationship.
Those experiences aren’t unique to just certain people or certain families. As we seek the help of the Lord, and as we include Him in our family and as a partner in our parenting, the Holy Ghost will tell us what to do, and as we follow those promptings, we will have wisdom beyond our own guiding us. What an amazing miracle that each of us can have all the time—the companionship of the Holy Ghost. We may not know the answers to all things, but He does. As we seek to include our Heavenly Father in our parenting, we will be guided and lifted. It won’t take away our problems but will give us the tools to effectively deal with them.
One last thought: Even those who are most sensitive to the spirit will make mistakes. That is part of the mortal experience, and part of learning and gaining wisdom, which is one of the purposes of life. I also testify that if we do the best that we can, when those mistakes happen, the Lord will make up the difference. That is one of the great blessings of the atonement. As God’s children, doing our best–our very best–is enough.
Additional reading: I discovered the book, “Raising up a Family to the Lord” by Gene R. Cook when my kids were little. We used that book all the time. It is by far my favorite parenting book. We would refer to it as our Cook book! The basic premise to the book is to use the spirit as a guide. It is no longer in print but is available to buy from used book dealers or on Kindle.
**This was originally posted in 2015
Family is Everything 